Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Done it again

Let me tell you in gleeful numbers 
that it is never too late to tie the knot
Age is never a factor that encumbers
A virile man from taking a pot shot

This poet had penned a verse not too far back
About the Haryana farmer who married at 84 alack
And fathered a son at the ripe old age of 94
Little did I know then what more was in store

He has gone and done it again in 2 years' time
At 96, another son; if you giggle, he doesn't care a dime
Three cheers to Ramajit Raghav the Haryanvi stud
For scoring twice where many another has proved to be a dud 
The couple named the first child Vikramajeet
And the new arrival to rhyme is named Ranjeet 

The secret of Raghav's energy is certainly not Boost
Nor does he eat chicken which come home to roost 
Half kilo of almonds is what he eats every day
Washed down with 2 litres of milk, his mainstay 
Chapatis and vegetables comprise his daily meal
Which has given this one time wrestler a body of steel
Alcohol and tobacco he scrupulously eschews
For ordinary mortals such abstinence will give the blues

A cheer to his spouse Shakuntala Devi aged 52
For this signal achievement in which she played a role too 

( Based on a news item in Times of India dasted 16th October, 2012)

Saturday, October 13, 2012


Before you open your mouth and say "yuck"
Let me warn you this ditty does indeed suck

It's about a worm eating contest in Florida
Which Edward Archibold(32) did consider
For the much touted, coveted prize to be won
Which was ... a female ivory ball  python

Ed goes  on munching several dozen roaches
and handful of worms as the deadline approaches
Alas, he ate not too wisely but ate too well
Within minutes his face began to swell
After bouts of  vomitting, down on the ground he fell

They put him in an ambulance and to the hospital fled
On examining the Doc pronounced " brought dead"

The contest held  by Ben Siegel Reptiles had strict terms
It gave only 4 minutes for eating roaches and worms
The one who ate the  most needed a certification 
That he didn't vomit, an automatic disqualification

The firm praised Edward, who was certainly a trend setter
They said "We are sorry, we will not get to know him better

Dear reader, donot ever  venture into contests like these
There are far better methods to get a python as a pet, please 

( based on a news report in the Times of India dated 10th October, 2012)

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Addicted to Poetry 

My favourite poet has been John Keats
His lyrical poems increase my heartbeats
It therefore came as a shock to hear
A new biography of his  is about to appear
Which says that he was addicted to opium 
A habit looked down upon with opprobrium
Writing verses for me is such a tedium
At  high school I didnt study in English medium
My only encounter with drugs has been with mescalin
which had opened for Huxley the doors of perception
it did nothing of the sort to me  perhaps an exception,
All that I saw was psychedelic colours in a glare
Of poetic inspiration, my brain remained bare

Remaining sober, I try to write nonsensical  rhymes
Is it senility or  perhaps it is a sign of the times

Sunday, September 2, 2012


Lovers are like lunatics said the bard of Avon
Here is an instance of lunacy for your fun

Our hero Hu seng lived in the city of chingqing
His girlfriend Li Wang's heart he wanted to set tingling 
By doing something which the bravest would fear
His ploy was to send her a big box thru courier
And in that box  he sealed himself in, oh dear
The box was to be delivered at her office so near
That in 30 minutes he would come out with cheer

He even arranged for a videographer to capture
the scene as he  jumps out of the box to hug her

But alas the best laid plans of mice and men they say
Often go astray -  

The address on the box  had a small  error
And for Hu Seng it meant 3 hrs of sheer terror
As he almost fainted due to asphyxiation
And had to be revived by artificial respiration 

When he came to, Seng said he wanted to shout
But then thought the surprise element would then be out
He suffered in silence for the sake of his love
Not knowing that after marriage he will suffer more...and how !


* Based on a news report dated 31st Aug 2012 in the Times of India, Bangalore edition

Saturday, July 21, 2012


Do you want to be immortal, have no fear
That day is not too far, it is quite near
When your brain can easily be sliced
and fitted into a robot's top so devised
as to allow it to live unto perpetuity
What remains to be done is the nitty-gritty
the finishing  touches to cybernetic immortality 

Itskov the visionary entrepreneur has set his sight
On completing this project working day and night
He has christened it  AVATAR  which is just right
In a way it would be the triumph of mind over matter
Offering you immortality on a platter

It is no longer in the realm of science fiction
Of its scientific feasibility there is no contradiction 
The cost of this procedure though, will leave you floored
It will run into billions only the world's richest can afford 

Where does  human being's consciousness lie?
Can a brain severed from body, biological rules defy?
Is  the "me" or "I"   located in the mind or brain?
To all these questions we hunted for answers, but in vain

Can an artificial carrier sustain individual consciousness
Or Will a heart lung machine keep transplanted brain in harness
 The very thought of these problems makes my mind go blank
In the end, I think this Russian chap is just a crank

Defying death is just another  facet of human vanity
I am now working on a new ode on Intimations of Immortality 


* Based on a news item in Times of India dated 20th July, 2012,  quoting a report from  the Daily Mail, London. 

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Yesterday,  a star that shone ever so brightly
So full of life, ever smiling and sprightly
Has passed into the skies to twinkle from afar
And to many aspiring  actors be a guiding star

When first I saw him in Aakhri Khat in 1966
Searching for his lost child he seemed to be in a fix
A sallow and awkward youth, a sculptor  to boot 
Into the hallowed precincts of Bollywood he set foot 

Who could imagine that he would soar to such height
With spellbinding performances to viewer's delight
With the epic Anand  a tragedy too sad for words
In Aradhana, he and Sharmila looked great as lovebirds
IN Amar Prem he seeks solace in a courtesan's arms
Even in the badnam basti he throws around his charms 

Whether as a bawarchi wearing the  khadi cap
Or the dakia delivering letters wearing khaki cap
He was unparallelled   in his acting, this charming chap
Tossing of  his head, the bewitching smile,the twinkle in his eye
Made many a fair maiden swoon and say  hai hai  

The death scene in Anand I'll  remember with my mouth agape,
 "zindagi aur maut oooper wale ki haath mein hai"says the tape
Before it unwinds and all we hear is a stuccato noise  
His end too came in a similar manner, he had no choice

We are as bereaved as his family who were at his bedside
All we can do is pray for his soul- let peace abide

Epitaph  " Here was an actor.  When will there be such another?"

Saturday, July 7, 2012


I  always wonder while statues I admire
Whether of Nelson in Trafalgar square
or Dadabhai Naoroji in Churchgate Mumbai
As  they stand on their  pedestals so high
How come their cheeks glow with such affulgence
Come rain or sunshine,as  they look at us with indulgence

Now the secret is out and what a shock it was
To know that it was the pigeons' poop that is the cause

New York Times reports  that all ye  ladies who aspire
To have a glowing skin and rosy cheeks should acquire
A mask containing nightingale droppnigs @ dollars 180
Apply it on your face for an hour, you're guaranteed to look  pretty
The powdered poop is flown  from land of cherry blossom
If you read how it is processed, it would sound so awesome

The excrement is sanitised under ultraviolet light
And then mixed with rice bran, an aesthetician's delight
Exfoliation and brightening of the skin will surely follow
Please  dont ridicule this remedy  if you think it sounds hollow

Remember that Cleopatra, the fairest of  womankind's ilk
Ascribed her beauty to bathing daily in donkey's milk

These exotic concoctions are most sought after today
Women  will try anything to keep signs of  old age at bay
Get a bee to sting you on the cheeks,and see how they puff
It's cheaper than botox,  if you dont get results, call my bluff

The skin care market is about to take a  quantum leap
Out of L'Oreal bottles you will see bees, worms and snails creep
Attacking the wrinkles,  crows feet near the corner of your eyes
Removing pimples, freckles and flakes from every nook and cranny
Leaving your cheeks as smooth as those of Hema Malini


Based on a news report in Times of India dated 6th July 2012