DALAL STREET


The etymology of sensex
May cause the prudes some vex
All it means is that it makes sense
to compare the bourses to bordellos
It's so full of enticing curves
moves up and down and swerves
In a crescendo it peaks
And the poor investor a fortune seeks
But before reaching orgasmic bliss
Falls flat on its face with a hiss
Leaving the investor a nervous wreck
What's left of his money is not even a speck
As bulls and bears dance with this dame
The dalals are upto their necks in this game
Chill winds from US and Europe they blame
And ask you to invest without any shame

Be wary of this belle dame sans merci
Palely loitering on Dalal Street
She will have you in her thrall in no time
And all you are left with will be a dime

FATHER AT 94

When I cast my eyes on the paper this morning
On the front page was his photograph adorning
Another Guinness Book record was broken
In glowing terms his achievement was bespoken
A 94 year old Jat from Sonipat became a father
When his 55 yr old second wife delivered, we gather
A bonny child, a male nevertheless, cute newborn
This signal achievement please donot scorn
If you want to know the secret of his virility
It is not eating parathas dripping with pure ghee
But eating half kilo of almonds every day
(which at today's price will cost our half month's pay)
washed down with buffalo milk - full three litres
Even to think of imitating him gives me the jitters
Hail this new hero, Ramajit Raghav is his name
Another feather in the cap to boost Haryana's fame

WHAT BABUS DO WITH PCs


When babus attend office every morn
the gleaming PCs which their tables adorn
are put to good use for watching porn

As files pile up in the IN tray
they donot even a bit of guilt betray
Now we know why all those charts
showing our economy grow by fits and starts
resemble the curves of Pamela Anderson
And statistics get confused for figure
as the graph grows bigger and bigger
And when double recession does hit
It shows like plunging neckline quite a bit

But all this is now in the past
The Home Minister was aghast
Strict instructions were promptly issued
If he found any office PC misused
The Babus will be issued a "show cause"
which means their jobs can go for a toss

How effective this order will be
Is for us, poor public to see

The city of Ahmedabad is noted for arranging matches for senior citizens looking for life partners in the evening of their lives. Many funny incidents are reported in newspapers. I picked up on one such from the Times of India and versified the incident. Hope it brings a chuckle on your face

AN OLD WIFE's TALE

Drab verses evoke no interest
I write this more in sorrow than in jest
Of senior citizens in desperate quest
for life partners to build a new love nest

In the famed city of Ahmedabad
For oldies things are not so bad
There are NGOs who will find
Soulmates for you, sweet and kind
But 70 year old Sombhai was shocked
When his entry into the nuptial chambers was blocked
By his 60 year old bride Vidya who found to her chagrin
A week's growth of stubble on her spouse's chin
For poor Sombhai it was indeed a close shave
This aint how a newlywed wife should behave
To the nearest barber's shop he did run
He didnt want to miss the first night's fun
When he returned spick and span
On his smooth cheeks her fingers ran
Everything now was hunky dory
The poet is pleased to end this story
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A LOVE SONG

My dear Chocri,

How my hopeful heart

Longs for your kiss

Soft and sensuous

On pouting lips

You tease and torment me

Since I sent you away

I can taste your temptation

Day after day.

I yearn for your love

But together we’re trouble

I try to resist you

But then I want double

A feast or a famine

A flood or a drought

Without my fix

I’m a twisted old fox.

Our loving is luscious

So when you are spent

My body’s forlorn

And left to ferment

This separation of souls

Will leave me slim

But then I’ll blow it all

On an all night binge.

-Your chocoholic lover
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NB:- CHOCRI is a brand name of a German chocolate. This poem reflects the withdrawal symptoms of a chocolate addict. If you thought otherwise, you have a dirty mind.

This poem is based on a news report in the Times of India Bangalore edition dated 12/04/2012. Written in a hurry, pardon mistakes if any :-

RAINS AHOY 

In the holy town of Udupi in Karnataka
They are playing some kind of nataka
to usher in rains for the parched earth
What better way than this one full of mirth
The priest has ordained that the only way
Varuna will be pleased is not just to pray
But entertain the rain God with great pomp
through nuptial ceremony as the guests romp
Like we have seen in "A Monsoon Wedding"
As two frogs freshly caught tie the knot
Amidst vedic hymns and chants uttered in style
And the newly weds are fed with a plate full of flies
Their full throated croaking rends the skies
Piercing the clouds that linger about so high
As the rain lashes, the priests heave a sigh
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Seeding of clouds is now a thing of the past
This new method of inducing rain will leave you aghast

Continuing the series "Verse & Worse". It is rumoured that Eve used to count the ribs of Adam whenever he was late while she was waiting for him at Applegate, the reason being her suspicion that there was the "other woman" created by him out of his spare rib. This poem deals with the probable reason why Adam had to cheat Eve.

ADAM'S DILEMMA 

Why Adam came late 
when Eve was waiting at Applegate
It is my turn now to narrate
In the days following creation
Adam was starved for recreation
"Start by kissing Eve" was God's command
"What is kissing?" was Adam's demand
God explained and Adam took Eve behind the bush
"It felt great" he told God when he returned with a blush
"Now caress her" was God's next tip
Explaining thoroughly so he wouldn't slip
"Oh Lord it was ecstatic; what next, please tell"
"Make love to her and mind to do it well"
"What is 'love' my Lord?"asked the first man
And it was explained to him as only God Almighty can
Again he took Eve behind the bush
Returned in a few minutes flustered and face aflush
" Oh God, what is a HEADACHE? " was his question
Even God Almighty could not explain to his satisfaction
It was then his thoughts turned to the spare rib
If God could create a woman why should he not crib?
That is how the other woman came into being
Who could satisfy Adam and all his craving
Leaving poor Eve high and dry
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If you dont believe this, just say "fie !"