Done it again
-----------------

Let me tell you in gleeful numbers 
that it is never too late to tie the knot
Age is never a factor that encumbers
A virile man from taking a pot shot

This poet had penned a verse not too far back
About the Haryana farmer who married at 84 alack
And fathered a son at the ripe old age of 94
Little did I know then what more was in store

He has gone and done it again in 2 years' time
At 96, another son; if you giggle, he doesn't care a dime
Three cheers to Ramajit Raghav the Haryanvi stud
For scoring twice where many another has proved to be a dud 
The couple named the first child Vikramajeet
And the new arrival to rhyme is named Ranjeet 

The secret of Raghav's energy is certainly not Boost
Nor does he eat chicken which come home to roost 
Half kilo of almonds is what he eats every day
Washed down with 2 litres of milk, his mainstay 
Chapatis and vegetables comprise his daily meal
Which has given this one time wrestler a body of steel
Alcohol and tobacco he scrupulously eschews
For ordinary mortals such abstinence will give the blues

A cheer to his spouse Shakuntala Devi aged 52
For this signal achievement in which she played a role too 
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( Based on a news item in Times of India dasted 16th October, 2012)

AMERICAN WINS ROACH EATING CONTEST, DIES

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Before you open your mouth and say "yuck"

Let me warn you this ditty does indeed suck

It's about a worm eating contest in Florida

Which Edward Archibold(32) did consider

For the much touted, coveted prize to be won

Which was ... a female ivory ball  python

Ed goes  on munching several dozen roaches

and handful of worms as the deadline approaches

Alas, he ate not too wisely but ate too well

Within minutes his face began to swell

After bouts of  vomitting, down on the ground he fell

 

They put him in an ambulance and to the hospital fled

On examining the Doc pronounced " brought dead"

The contest held  by Ben Siegel Reptiles had strict terms

It gave only 4 minutes for eating roaches and worms

The one who ate the  most needed a certification 

That he didn't vomit, an automatic disqualification

The firm praised Edward, who was certainly a trend setter

They said "We are sorry, we will not get to know him better

Dear reader, donot ever  venture into contests like these

There are far better methods to get a python as a pet, please 

( based on a news report in the Times of India dated 10th October, 2012)

Addicted to Poetry 
----------------------------

My favourite poet has been John Keats

His lyrical poems increase my heartbeats

It therefore came as a shock to hear

A new biography of his  is about to appear

Which says that he was addicted to opium 

A habit looked down upon with opprobrium

Writing verses for me is such a tedium

At  high school I didnt study in English medium

My only encounter with drugs has been with mescalin

which had opened for Huxley the doors of perception

it did nothing of the sort to me  perhaps an exception,

All that I saw was psychedelic colours in a glare

Of poetic inspiration, my brain remained bare

Remaining sober, I try to write nonsensical  rhymes

Is it senility or  perhaps it is a sign of the times

CHINESE LOVER COURERS HIMSELF*

-----------------------------------------------------------

Lovers are like lunatics said the bard of Avon

Here is an instance of lunacy for your fun

Our hero Hu seng lived in the city of chingqing

His girlfriend Li Wang's heart he wanted to set tingling 

By doing something which the bravest would fear

His ploy was to send her a big box thru courier

And in that box  he sealed himself in, oh dear

The box was to be delivered at her office so near

That in 30 minutes he would come out with cheer

He even arranged for a videographer to capture

the scene as he  jumps out of the box to hug her

But alas the best laid plans of mice and men they say

Often go astray -  

The address on the box  had a small  error

And for Hu Seng it meant 3 hrs of sheer terror

As he almost fainted due to asphyxiation

And had to be revived by artificial respiration 

When he came to, Seng said he wanted to shout

But then thought the surprise element would then be out

He suffered in silence for the sake of his love

Not knowing that after marriage he will suffer more...and how !

..............................................

* Based on a news report dated 31st Aug 2012 in the Times of India, Bangalore edition

PROJECT 'AVATAR'*

---------------------------------

Do you want to be immortal, have no fear

That day is not too far, it is quite near

When your brain can easily be sliced

and fitted into a robot's top so devised

as to allow it to live unto perpetuity

What remains to be done is the nitty-gritty

the finishing  touches to cybernetic immortality 

Itskov the visionary entrepreneur has set his sight

On completing this project working day and night

He has christened it  AVATAR  which is just right

In a way it would be the triumph of mind over matter

Offering you immortality on a platter

It is no longer in the realm of science fiction

Of its scientific feasibility there is no contradiction 

The cost of this procedure though, will leave you floored

It will run into billions only the world's richest can afford 

Where does  human being's consciousness lie?

Can a brain severed from body, biological rules defy?

Is  the "me" or "I"   located in the mind or brain?

To all these questions we hunted for answers, but in vain

Can an artificial carrier sustain individual consciousness

Or Will a heart lung machine keep transplanted brain in harness

 The very thought of these problems makes my mind go blank

In the end, I think this Russian chap is just a crank

Defying death is just another  facet of human vanity

I am now working on a new ode on Intimations of Immortality 

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* Based on a news item in Times of India dated 20th July, 2012,  quoting a report from  the Daily Mail, London. 

REQUIEM FOR RAJESH KHANNA  (1942-2012)

Yesterday,  a star that shone ever so brightly

So full of life, ever smiling and sprightly

Has passed into the skies to twinkle from afar

And to many aspiring  actors be a guiding star

When first I saw him in Aakhri Khat in 1966

Searching for his lost child he seemed to be in a fix

A sallow and awkward youth, a sculptor  to boot 

Into the hallowed precincts of Bollywood he set foot 

Who could imagine that he would soar to such height

With spellbinding performances to viewer's delight

With the epic Anand  a tragedy too sad for words

In Aradhana, he and Sharmila looked great as lovebirds

IN Amar Prem he seeks solace in a courtesan's arms

Even in the badnam basti he throws around his charms 

 

Whether as a bawarchi wearing the  khadi cap

Or the dakia delivering letters wearing khaki cap

He was unparallelled   in his acting, this charming chap

Tossing of  his head, the bewitching smile,the twinkle in his eye

Made many a fair maiden swoon and say  hai hai  

The death scene in Anand I'll  remember with my mouth agape,

 "zindagi aur maut oooper wale ki haath mein hai"says the tape

Before it unwinds and all we hear is a stuccato noise  

His end too came in a similar manner, he had no choice

We are as bereaved as his family who were at his bedside

All we can do is pray for his soul- let peace abide

Epitaph  " Here was an actor.  When will there be such another?"

BEAUTY LIES IN BIRD POOP -------------------------------------------- I  always wonder while statues I admire Whether of Nelson in Trafalgar square or Dadabhai Naoroji in Churchgate Mumbai As  they stand on their  pedestals so high How come their cheeks glow with such affulgence Come rain or sunshine,as  they look at us with indulgence Now the secret is out and what a shock it was To know that it was the pigeons' poop that is the cause New York Times reports  that all ye  ladies who aspire To have a glowing skin and rosy cheeks should acquire A mask containing nightingale droppnigs @ dollars 180 Apply it on your face for an hour, you're guaranteed to look  pretty The powdered poop is flown  from land of cherry blossom If you read how it is processed, it would sound so awesome The excrement is sanitised under ultraviolet light And then mixed with rice bran, an aesthetician's delight Exfoliation and brightening of the skin will surely follow Please  dont ridicule this remedy  if you think it sounds hollow Remember that Cleopatra, the fairest of  womankind's ilk Ascribed her beauty to bathing daily in donkey's milk These exotic concoctions are most sought after today Women  will try anything to keep signs of  old age at bay Get a bee to sting you on the cheeks,and see how they puff It's cheaper than botox,  if you dont get results, call my bluff The skin care market is about to take a  quantum leap Out of L'Oreal bottles you will see bees, worms and snails creep Attacking the wrinkles,  crows feet near the corner of your eyes Removing pimples, freckles and flakes from every nook and cranny Leaving your cheeks as smooth as those of Hema Malini ----------------------------------------------------- Based on a news report in Times of India dated 6th July 2012